Isiqhotyoshelwano si ... Ukuqhotyoshelana kwengqondo kubunjani? Uthando okanye uthando?

Abantu abakwazi ukuhlala ngaphandle kwemeko yokuphila komnye umntu. Sonke kufuneka sizive sizithande kwaye sifuna. Wonke umntu ufuna ukunyamekelwa, wabonisa ingqalelo enyanisekileyo. Isinamathiselo yenye yeendlela zokubonakalisa uthando. Wonke umntu uyazi ukuba iinjongo zokuphila kakuhle zizalwa ngokuswela isidingo esingazi ukuba ngumntu obalulekileyo.

Kule nqaku, imvelaphi yekhonkco iyaqwalaselwa. Mhlawumbi, eli nqaku liza kunceda umntu ukuba aqonde ubudlelwane obunzima nomlingane, umntwana, abazali kunye nokwenza isigqibo esifanelekileyo.

Inkcazo yemeko

Isinamathiselo sinesidingo sokuthandwa komnye umntu. Ngangaphi na esiqala ukukulindela ukubonakalisa okunjalo iimvakalelo kwindlela esiyikhokelayo, kodwa sitshutshise, sithukuthele xa ingqwalasela ingagxile kumntu wethu. Ezi nkxalabo zomntu onqabileyo ongazi ixabiso lakhe. Ukuqhotyoshelweyo kumntu, eqinisweni, kubonakalisa isimo sethu sengqondo ngokuphathelele thina kunye nobomi ngokubanzi. Kuphawula ukuba xa umntu ethanda yena ngokwakhe, kancinci uvakalelwa kukuba ufuna abanye abantu. Okokuthi, ukunamathela okuqinileyo kunesiqhelo sokungaxhamli komntu, ukungaqiniseki ngamandla akhe kunye namandla akhe.

Uvakalelwa njani lo mvakalelo?

Imvelaphi yayo nayiphi na imbonakalo yengxaki kufuneka ihlale ifunwa ebuntwaneni. Ukuba umntu omdala unzima kakhulu ngaphandle kokuba abekhona kumntu womlingane okanye umntwana, ukwesaba ukwahlukana nabazali, oku kuthetha ukuba kukho ingxaki. Mhlawumbi xa wayesengumntwana, abazali bakhe abazange banakekele ngokwaneleyo. Kwaye ngoku uzama ukuhlawulela le ntlupheko yothando, ezama ukufuneka ukuba wonke umntu onako: isiqingatha sesibini, umntwana wakhe. Kodwa oku kushicilelwa akukwazi ukulungiswa ngexesha elide: yonke into imele iyenze ngexesha, kunye nokuthanda. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuhamba kuzo zonke izigaba zothando ngenyameko, ukuze ungadibanisi ubudlelwane, ungafaki izikhalazo ezingadingekile nokungaqondani.

Ukugxininiswa kabuhlungu kumntu obathintela uphuhliso, ukusekwa kwamathemba ngekamva, kukuthintela ukukhula komntu. Isinamathiselo kumntu ngamanye amaxesha uphazamisa iimfuno zakho, kwenza umntu afune iindlela zokugcina ubudlelwane. Akuyimfuneko ukuba "ukugqithisa" "ubilise", kuyimfuneko ukuba ube nesithuba somntu siqu: uhlale wedwa uze omnye makakhe i-destiny yakho ngokwengqiqo yakho.

Inkolelo ye-Bowlby yokuncedisa

Usosayensi waseBrithani uye wafumanisa iintlobo ezi-4 zokuxhomekeka kwimeko yokuphuhlisa ukukhubazeka ngaphandle komnye umntu. UJohn Bowlby ngokuyinhloko wayeqwalasela ulwalamano lomama nomntwana, kodwa lo mzekelo unengqiqo ukuqwalasela kunye nokukhanya kokusebenzisana kwabantu abadala. Uhlobo lokuqala loqhagamshelo olubizwa ngokuba lukhuselekile. Ingundoqo yayo iqulethwe kwezi zilandelayo: kwiingcinga ezifanelekileyo eziphakathi komntu omdala neemfuno zomntwana zifikeleleke. Umzali akanakuphulaphula ubuntu bomntwana wakhe, umvumela ukuba akhule ngokupheleleyo, afumane ulwazi oluyimfuneko. Ndimele ndithi, olu hlobo lwesinamathiselo luyakhayo yonke into, kuba ingathinteli uphuhliso, ayikukhathazi.

Umgca wokuzixhalaba wokuziphatha ubonisa ukuxhomekeka komntwana kumzali, uveza iimvakalelo ezinzulu xa kwenzeka ukuhlukana kuye, ukungakwazi ukuhlala wedwa ixesha elifutshane. Ukuqhagamshela ngokomzwelo kunamandla kakhulu. Ngenxa yokuba umzali ubonisa imvakalelo emncinci, umntwana uloyiko ukuvakalisa ngokuzwakalisa iimvakalelo zakhe, ukwesaba ulwalamano olusondeleyo. Ukuba sele bekhulile, abantwana abanjalo banenkathazo enkulu ekwakheni ubudlelwane bomntu kunye nobungane, kuba bahlala bevakalelwa kukuba abanamdla kwabanye, okukhokelela ekungabazeni ngokubaluleka kwabo.

Isimo esinxamnye nesimo esichasayo sibonakalisa ukwesaba okukhulu okungaziwa. Umntu ngokwakhe ubeka izithintelo endleleni yokuzimela nokuziphucula. Ukungaqiniseki kunye neentloni kuyiphumo lokukhulelwa ebuntwaneni, xa abazali bengayiboni kakuhle into yokuba umntwana uyaziqonda, akazange amdumise ngenxa yesibindi sakhe, ngoko waba yintloni.

Isikhundla esilawulwayo ngokungahambelani siquka konke oku kubonakaliswe ngasentla kwaye kubonakala ukunganyaniseki kwezenzo, iimpazamo eziqhelekileyo, ukungabonakali kwexabiso layo, ukwesaba, iziganeko ezithintekayo. Inkolelo ye-Bowlby yokuncedisa ibonisa imvelaphi yento efana nokuxhomekeka kwengqondo kwengomnye umntu. Ulwalamano olunjalo luhlala lubonakalisa iimvakalelo

Uthando okanye uthando?

Uthando luba nini? Uphi umgca ohlukanisa ubudlelwane bokwenene nalabo abenza umntu abe ngumceli? Ukuqonda le ngxaki akuyona into elula njengoko kubonakala ngathi ukujonga kuqala.

Unzima kunabo bonke ubuhlobo boluntu. Iziqhotyoshelweyo, nokuba ziphi na, ngamanye amaxesha zizisa ubunzima obukhulu.

Umthandi uhlala efuna umlingane amqinisekisa ngothando lwakhe olungenammiselo, ebonisa ukunyamekela nokuthembeka. Ukuba oku kungenzeki, ukungathandabuzi kuqala, ukusola, ukungamangalelwa, umona. Oku kwenzeka kuphela ngenxa yokuba umntu akaqinisekanga kakhulu nakwindawo ethile emininzi yomphefumlo wakhe engathandabuzekiyo yokuba unokuthandwa nhlobo. Ivakalelo lokwenene alikhululekile kwiimfuno, iingxoxo eziqhayisa kunye nokwesaba. Uthando lufuna ukuzimela, ukubonakalisa ekunyamekelweni okungapheli komntu othandekayo kwaye alufunanga nto ngokubuyisela.

Njani ukuqonda ubudlelwane obubi?

Ukuqhotyoshwa okubuhlungu kuhlala kuluvo olulinganiselwe. Abantu bacinga ukuba abayithandi, kodwa ngokwenene bona ababonisi umdla kubo, abawasebenzisi amathuba anokubazuzisa, ubazise kumgangatho omtsha wophuhliso. Umntu ofumana isiqhotyoshelweyo esichukumisayo akazixabisi yena njengomntu. Yingakho efuna omnye ukuba ahlawule umdlalo wakhe kulolu thando.

Kuvela isangqa esichukumisayo. Ngokuqhelekileyo ibinzana elithi "andinakuphila ngaphandle kwakho" lisetyenziswe. Kule meko, uhlala ufuna ukubuza: "Wahlala phi ngaphambi kokudibana nomhlobo wakho? Ngaba usuhlaza, ulambile kwaye ubanda? " Nangona unetyala kumntu othile, kufuneka ufunde ukuhlala ngokwakho ukuze ungaziveki uhokelwa kuyo yonke impilo yakho.

Imiphumo emibi

Sivele sicacise ukuba ukunamathiswa okugqithisileyo kunokuphazamisa ukukhula komntu. Iziganeko ezintle ezifana nokuzithemba kunye nokuzithemba okuzenzekelayo ziyimiphumo emibi. Yaye yintoni umphumo? Ubuntu bu lahleka ekuphumeni koyiko lwayo, kwaye ngezinye iinkalo kuba nzima ukuba kuqhube phambili. Kwaye konke kuqala ngokungazithandi. Ukuba umntu uyakwazi ukucinga ngokuphila kwakhe, azinikele kwimfundo, ngoko ubomi bakhe buguquka ngcono.

Ndingayinqoba njani uthando olungathandabuzekiyo?

Ixesha elinjalo, ngokuqhelekileyo, liqondwa ngabantu abangazange bafunde ukuxabisa ubuntu babo. Kufana nale bantu banikezelwa uvavanyo, ngenxa yoko kufuneka bafumane umntu wabo olahlekileyo, bafunde ukuqonda oko kubalulekile kubo.

Abaninzi abanomdla abanomdla banomdla wendlela yokukrazula i-attachment, ebonisa ukuhlupheka nje? Amabhunga apha ayinakunceda, kubalulekile ukuhamba ngentlungu ebanzi, ngokukrazula intliziyo kwisiqingatha. Xa iinyembezi zomile, abantu beza kuqonda ukuba abayithandi, kodwa bacinga njalo, kuba ubomi obungenalo mdlalo awunanto yokuzalisa. Konke okufuneka uyenze kukufumanisa ukuba ukhona.

Kutheni kubalulekile ukuzithanda wena?

Ukujonga ngokufanelekileyo ubuntu bakhe kubalulekile ekuphumeleleni naluphi na umzamo. Ukuzithandana kunika iingenelo ezininzi kwaye, ngaphezu kwakho konke, ingundoqo yengaphakathi. Emva koko, kungakhathaliseki ukuba kwenzekani, umntu uya kukwazi ukuba nayiphi na ingxaki ixazululwa, akukho nhlekelele ehlabathini engayi kulungiswa. Ubuntu buya kuba bukhululekile, xa lukwazi ukuthatha uxanduva malunga nento eyenzekayo kuyo.

Ngaloo ndlela, ukuxhamla okubandezeleka kwabanye abantu akuyiyo yonke into ebonisa uthando oluqinileyo kubo, kodwa ngenxa yesiphumo esinzulu, ukungaphumeleli ekubunjweni komntu. Ukuze uphile ngokuzonwabisa, kufuneka uzimelele, ufumane inkululeko yangaphakathi. Kwaye ngoko ke kwenzeka ukuba uthandane nothando lokwenene.