Kubonakala kum ukuba andiyithandi umntwana. Yintoni ukwenza ntoni? icebiso yezo

"Ndinganithandi umntwana wam ..." Kuba amantombazana amaninzi, eli binzana ukuze kubonakale engaqhelekanga ngokupheleleyo kwaye yobuyatha, kodwa eneneni kuyenzeka ukuba umzali angacingi nto ngokunxulumene umntwana. Ngaphezu koko, iisayikholojisti usapho zithi ubomi ubuncinane kanye, kodwa wonke umfazi kukho ingcamango ukuba akamthandi umntwana wakhe. Enye into kukuba yonke unina eqhelekileyo uzama ukuqhuba nangoko wayemndulule, kwaye unguYe nenqubo eyiyo.

Ke ukuba inkampani kudala ibihlaba oomama ukungathembeki abashiya abantwana babo unonophelo kumbuso, ukubanda yomfazi ukukhulisa umntwana abanabuhlobo kakhulu. Kwaye ukuze zokusombulula ingxaki, kuqala kufuneka ukufumana unobangela, kwaye zinokuba kakhulu kunene.

Imele ukuba umntwana

Baqhele bakholelwa ukuba ukukhulelwa - beziintsana wonwabile zokulinda kokuhluma ekukhanyeni. Kodwa ke amaxesha amaninzi oku akunjalo, lisifa utshintsho olomeleleyo, kunye nabo iingxaki kunye nobunzima. Umyalelo omtsha imini, singasathethi ezikhethwa incasa kunye nokuziphatha! Ngoko maxa wambi angaqinisekanga abamthandayo lowo ubukhula, enyanisweni ngenxa yoko kwafuneka ukuba anyamezele zonke zinguquko.

Kwaye ukukhulelwa okungacetywanga, nto leyo etshintsha ngokupheleleyo izicwangciso ubomi, nto leyo esisizathu sokuba umama okhulelweyo kunzima nazigqibo notshintsho ezizayo. Ngamanye amaxesha nokuba ibamba amabinzana afana: "Andiyithandi umntwana lowo okhulelweyo!" Ukuba izinto ngale ndlela, ekuqaleni ukuba ukothuka. Ngokufuthi, nokufika umntwana ozelwe okanye msinyane kakhulu wabonakalaliswa kwakuthi koomama.

kubelekwa

Kodwa kukho nenye indlela. In zokuqala iintsuku, iiveki yaye ngamanye amaxesha iinyanga, umama akafuni uzive ngenene akukho enengqondo kule umntwana. Kwaye oko kulungile. Amaninzi ke le nto kuthiwa ukudandatheka lwasemva kokubeleka, oonobangela apho kunzima ukuphanda, ngenxa yokuba kaninzi abafazi besoyika angakholiswa ekuhlaleni kwaye uzame ukuba ukusasaza ngaphantsi ngengxaki yakho. Ngokubanzi ezimbi kuwo alungebi nto; ihlala ixesha elifutshane, yaye nasemva kokubeleka ukudakumba udlula namdla, ukudangala, uvalo. Ke endaweni yabo ifike enkulu uthando lukamama umntwana wabo. Kwaye ukuba kuyothusa ukucinga ukuba akunjalo kudala loo mizi ngeengubo intloko yam, basonta mabinzana: ". Andiyithandi umntwana"

Kuyenzeka ukuze unobangela inokuba ukuphoxeka elula. Unethemba ukubona lwakukhula cute, kodwa kaninzi umntwana azalwe nto intle kakhulu, ngoko isizathu kulindelekileyo. Kakade ke, njengoko kwabasetyhini, ngokuba yena, naye, zizalwa uxinezeleko. Kodwa kungekudala yonke into iya kutshintsha, kwaye uya kuba unina isidalwa bunencasa. Kwaye zonke nandzu Kukudandatheka, Ukunyamalala kwayo luya kuqhubeka kwaye zonke neemvakalelo ezingakhiyo, zaza zafa zonke iintlobo amathandabuzo.

Ngamanye amaxesha isizathu ingaba ukukhulelwa enzima okanye ukuzalwa enzima. Kwinqanaba ienjini, umama ityala umntwana wakhe ngoko yena waya kuzo. Kodwa kungekudala iza kudlula. Yaye yintoni akazange olu thando - kule imizuzwana embalwa yokuqala, okanye inyanga, akunamsebenzi, ngenxa yazo zonke unina uthanda usana lwakhe lomelele ngokulinganayo.

ngumntwana odlamjke kakhulu

Kuyenzeka ukuba umntwana ngokugqithiseleyo esebenzayo, kwaye ayiniki unina ephumle emva, ngenxa yokuba kufuneka esweni rhoqo usana. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, iimbopheleleko ekhaya, emsebenzini, kunye neminye imicimbi. Le ntombazana akazange abe nexesha lokuphumla, nto kubalulekile ukuba nawuphi na umntu. Ngenxa yoko, umthwalo kakhulu kuboniswa sengqondo ophambene umntwana, yaye ngamanye amaxesha nokuba wambamba mna ndicinga ukuba ndiyacaphuka umntwana wakhe. Umsindo kuba nabani na, nkqu infraction kakhulu abancinane.

Le ngxaki isonjululwe ngokungqinelana iqondo ukudinwa unina. Kusenokuba kuba yanele okokuba veki ukuthatha umntwana kwintsapho, lo mfazi abe yedwa, ukuze uchithe ixesha ngokwabo, ukuba diversify ukuzifundela okanye ulale nje. Kwaye ke kunye nemikhosi ezintsha yena ungabuyela umva usana lwakho, kwaye ngokuqhelekileyo ekupheleni-veki, uqala ukuphoswa umntwana wakhe.

Ukuba ingxaki uye kude kakhulu, kwaye phezu kumqukumbelo engqondweni, ngoko ukhetho kukuba bafune uncedo yincutshe. Kodwa ke kule meko unina akakwazi athi, "Andiyithandi umntwana." Kukho kuchaphazela nje fatigue ababeyiqwebile nochuku ngokugqithiseleyo.

kid emibi kakhulu

"Ndinganithandi umntwana wam ngenxa yokuba imfundo kakhulu" - ngokungathi kusenokuba kuvakala engaqhelekanga, kodwa maxa wambi yiloo nto abazali va kid kom ofundileyo. Ukuba umntwana smart kakhulu, ufundile ngaphambi noontanga balo phantsi izinga lolwazi, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha abantu abadala, endaweni yokuba uzive kuphela ikratshi ukungapheleli ecaleni kwakhe. Abazi ukuba baziphathe njani, yaye into kuphela ukwenza usoloko nomsindo xa itakane, nangona eqonda ukuba eneneni azilunganga, kwaye umntwana akukho ndlela eya ityala. Kwaye isiphumo luhlobo eqhubekayo.

Kodwa ke inkathazo iphambili yale ngxaki kukuba abazali kunqabile bayavuma ukuba omnye. Zikufumana kunzima ukuvuma ngokwabo kwaye ukhankanye professional kwaye akukho mbuzo. Kwaye ngoko ke umntwana ukhulela kwintsapho apho abazali ke undikhumbuza yokusilela kwabo. Sigqibo ezichanekileyo ziya kunceda iingcali okanye uncwadi shtudirovanie ukuba wathetha ngalo mbandela.

yokukhula

Xa umntwana efikelela lokufikisa kwiintsapho ezininzi ziya kuqalisa ukuntsokotha, kuba maxa wambi nkqu umntwana kakhulu zilulamile iqala ukuba baziphathe ngokungakhathali ngokupheleleyo. Kwaye apho kutshanje namandla ukuqonda kunye nothando, esi sifo iqala. Abantwana bekrwada abazali babo, kunye nabo, yena, aku- bemnyelisa ukuphendula uthando nenkathalo ukufumana ekuboniseni krwada. Ngenxa yoko, baqala ukuba abe noburhalarhume yena umntwana, kancane kancane kude kuye. Ngamanye amaxesha, nkqu ezintliziyweni ukuphosa eli binzana: ". Andiyithandi umntwana" Kwakhona elivisayo uvakalelwa ukuba sengqondo utshintshile, iqalisa baqhankqalazele indlela wayesazi - umsindo krwada. Ziziziganeko uya isibheno ngengqondo usapho, ingcaphephe ukunceda ukuphucula ubudlelwane entsatsheni bamsa umntwana evela kubazali kunye stress karhulumente. Ngapha koko, kuyingozi kakhulu kule meko kukuba elivisayo uza kudlula, kodwa recriminations kunye nenzondo kwaye iya nobuhlala ixesha elide.

umntwana yomfazi emtshatweni wakhe wokuqala

Ngokuqhelekileyo, xa umtshato waphula phezulu, umntwana uyaqhubeka ukuphila kunye nomama wakhe. Xa ubomi intombazana kukho umntu omtsha, uye kuhlala umntwana, ukufundisa okanye, ubuncinane, nje ukuba baxoxe.

Kudla ezikhethwe Zingenile endlwini, Uloqonda uzenza igunya kwaye iqala ukukhokela umntwana, umfundise kwaye ngamanye amaxesha makakubuze. Kuyinto embi kakhulu ukuba ucinga ukuba umntwana kufuneka ngoko nangoko bathobele izinikele. umntwana ngamnye uyaqonda ukuba bonke abantu abadala ezahlukeneyo, kwaye kunjalo kuyimfuneko ukuqalisa ukuze ifumane intlonipho nothando lwakhe, ingakumbi xa umntwana iyaqhubeka ukunxibelelana kunye noyise. Kulo mzekelo, akazange aqonde imisebenzi umntu omtsha. Kwaye loo nto, ukuba uziva uxinzelelo phezu kwakhe, uqala ukubonisa uphawu yalo icala. Loo nto, kakubi lihlangana utata kwaye lukhatshwa impendulo. Okhethiweyo uthi: "Andiyithandi umntwana umfazi wakhe emtshatweni wakhe wokuqala."

Yintoni ukwenza ntoni? Indlela yokusombulula le ngxaki? Kodwa ke kufuneka nje ukuphumelela izenzo zayo indawo isimo sakhe sengqondo esihle. Ngapha koko, abantwana kakuhle kakhulu bengachani iimvakalelo ukuba amava kubo. Kwaye kuva ukuqonda sengqondo kuwe: Ngaba abathande, okanye kuphela ukuba iingxaki ethintela umntu omtsha ukwakha ubuhlobo kunye nomama wakhe. Kwaye asifanele silibale ukuba ubaba wakhe lihlasela ndlela ukusoloko ebomini, ngoko ke kufuneka azame ukwenza unxibelelwano.

Enye kujonge izinto ezibalulekileyo ekusombululeni ingxaki - eli xesha, nto leyo kuyimfuneko ukuba umntwana ukuqala ngokwenene intlonipho nothando isahluko usapho ezihlaziyiweyo.

Maxa wambi, phezu kwazo zonke iinzame ukuphucula ubudlelwane, ayikasebenzi, umntwana akayithandi ubaba wakhe, abangazange simthande. Kwaye bonke ubuhlobo Awusoze ngcono. Amaxesha amaninzi, isizathu silele yokuba unina womntwana yamkhweletela okhethiweyo entsha. Ngapha koko, phambi kokufika "papa" omtsha yonke ingqalelo nazo kuphela, kodwa ngoku yahlulwe ukuba. Kwaya ngaphantsi, kwaye itakane woyika ukuba yonke into aya kufumana kuphela mandundu. Ngoko ke aqale athulule zonke ezimbi kwakhe umntu omtsha, nto leyo, kunokubangela yokusabela. Kwaye yinto eqhelekileyo ngokupheleleyo, akumangalisi ukuba nzulu ezantsi, umntu egqiba: ". Andiyithandi umntwana umfazi wakhe evela umtshato wakhe wokuqala" Kwanokuba kwi yokugcina ulwazi sele ufunde iincwadi kunye ukuphulaphula iintetho kwi pedagogy, ukuba ukusebenzisa olu lwazi kunokuba nzima xa iimvakalelo kunye umsindo idla, kuba nzima kakhulu ukucinga esisiso.

Ngoko kuyimfuneko ukuba ukusombulula unobangela wengxaki, unina kufuneka uchazele umntwana wakho ukuba akayi kumthanda ngaphantsi ngenxa yokuba indoda entsha. Kwakhona imali eninzi kwaye kubalulekile kuye, njengoko ngaphambili. Kodwa ke, kufanele kuphawulwe ukuba xa umntwana wam uya kuzama ukuba basebenzise le meko, akunakwenzeka ukuya kuyo ngamaxesha athile. Kwaye kuphela xa ayilungiswanga ngokupheleleyo ukuqonda phakathi unina kunye nomntwana, lo tata nga ngokukhuselekileyo baqale ukwakha ubuhlobo.

Umntwana umtshato wokuqala umyeni wakhe

Apha loo meko yahluke kancinane kuchazwe ngasentla. Amaninzi, umntwana uhlala ne unina noyise, eze nje ukutyelela. Ngoko ke iya kuba yanele ukuseka ubudlelwane nobuhlobo kwaye ukuthemba, kodwa kunzima ukwenza yaye oko. "Andiyithandi umntwana umtshato wokuqala umyeni wakhe" - la mazwi zidla weva ukusuka sithandwa entsha.

Ngokuqhelekileyo intombazana ekuqaleni wafanisa. Ngaphambi kokuba batshate, ahlala ephupheni, ucinga ukuba uthanda wakhe onyuliweyo, u nga va iimvakalelo efudumeleyo kunye daze yakhe. Kodwa ukwenza uqhagamshelwano nzima ngaphezu kubonakala ekuqaleni. Umntwana Mhlawumbi ubawo nobukhwele. Akumangalisi oku, ngenxa yokuba umntu omtsha wabonakala ebomini bakhe. Ithe ke intokazi leyo, ukubona oku ngokwayo, nayo ekuqaleni ukuze ungathandi umntwana. Kulo mzekelo, kufuneka ufumane wasebenzisa nje wamkele omnye nomnye. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, mhlawumbi, acrimony uhlala kude ngasemva. Kubalulekile ukuphawula ukuba intombazana akakwazi ebil umntwana iintlobo zezipho, njengoko akusayi kuba uthando olukhulu kulo mzekelo, kodwa kukuthatha oku njengokuba abathengi.

Kwakhona kuyenzeka ukuba lo mfazi isikhubekiso yimali. Yena waba buhlungu ngenxa imali ukuba umyeni wakhe imali kubantwana zangaphambili. Kwaye ngamanye amaxesha umntu uziva enetyala, wanikela bakhe ex-umfazi yimali eninzi ngaphezu enye yangoku. Entsatsheni kwenzeke enyundululu kwi kulo mhlaba; kwaye ke umfazi usenokuthi: "Andiyithandi umntwana umtshato wokuqala umyeni wakhe" - njengoko ekholelwa ukuba ngqo nguye unobangela zonke iimbandezelo.

Kulo mzekelo, into sokunene besiya kuba ukuthetha cwaka kunye neqabane lakho. Kwaye ukuzama izicwangciso ngokuchanekileyo ngakumbi le mali, ukuze evumelana zombini.

Ngamanye amaxesha kuyenzeka, itakane emtshatweni owandulela lo iba sisithintelo ekuzalweni entlanganweni. Umfazi ufuna usana, kodwa umntu kukhalelwa into yokuba sele unabantwana. Kubonakala ukuba umntwana engazifezekisi iphupha yomfazi. Yaye nantsi ingqiqo uthatha isihlalo umva, kwaye kukho ubutshaba kuphela yaye maxa wambi bade babe nenzondo. Ke kaninzi intombazana kuviwa: "Andiyithandi umntwana yendoda yakhe!"

Apha, endaweni yokuqala, kubalulekile rhoqo ukuphinda ukuba umntwana lowo akukho ndlela ityala kwaye awukwazi ityala kuye iimpazamo zabo. Phambi kokuba uqhagamshele ubomi naloo mntu, ingakumbi xa kwisiqingatha sesibini sele unayo yayisakhasa bomtshato wakhe wokuqala, kufuneka baxoxe le ezincinane. Ufuna abantwana okanye hayi? Le meko, ngasendleleni, ezinokuchaphazela oyindoda womelele. Kukholelwa ukuba ibhinqa beza kunye umntu omtsha, umnika umntwana joint, kodwa loo mazwi akusoloko kunjalo. Ngamanye amaxesha intombazana sele kukho umntwana akafuni akafuni kanye kubuya acande ekhulelwe naxa ezala.

Enoba kunjalo, eyona nto ibalulekileyo - ukufikelela kwizibhambathiso, izibini umnqweno malunga nomba esinzulu ezinjalo kufanele ukuba ifane. Ngapha koko, kule wakha ulwalamano oluhle, akunakwenzeka ukuba othile uliyalele kwaye ngokuchasene neminqweno enye. Kwaye ukuba kukho ukuvumelana, akuthandeki ukuba abafazi baya kuba kwentloko yam Ndacinga: ". Andiyithandi umntwana wendoda yakhe"

umona

Ngamanye amaxesha usana entle inxulumene umhlobo omtsha okanye umhlobo, ayenzi kuphazamisana, musa ukuthandabuza, aluchaphazeli ubomi, kodwa aya ikudika. Ngokubanzi kwezi meko sithetha ngomona. Ngokuqhelekileyo ezikucaphukisa kakhulu, xa uqala nje ukuba ixesha elininzi kunye. Nangona kunjalo, kunye isiqalo ubomi joint, yonke into iza kwiqondo layo, ucwangciso kuba efanayo, ixesha inikwa ukusebenza, abahlobo, zokuzonwabisa kunye nomntwana ovela kumtshato wangaphambili.

Ngamanye amaxesha iqabane kubonakala ukuba umntwana uthando ngaphezu kwabo. Ngenxa yale wobukhwele babonakaliswa, yaye nokungathandwa xesha umntwana. Njengoko kudla ngokwenzeka, le ngxaki ingasombululwa ziintetho. Yanele ukuba uthethe neqabane lakho uze uxoxe amaqabane esicwangcisa ngayo bachithe ixesha labo lokuphola, ukuthi uchitha ixesha ngalo, ukuba uthathe umntwana nawe ekhefini. Kufuneka kuqatshelwe ukuba zonke imiba kufuneka isonjululwe ngayo ngexesha ufowuna, yaye asinako ukuthemba ukuba ngokuhamba kwexesha uya kukwazi ukususa umntwana nobomi ngumntu omthandayo. Kwaye okona kubalulekileyo - ilinganisa ngaphantsi iingcinga ezimbi ukuqhuba kude.

Kukho enye into: maxa wambi ikhwele ukuya kakhulu ayikhethanga lo mntwana, yaye bakhe ex-nomfazi okanye umyeni. Kodwa njengokuba lo mntwana iba sisihlandlo ingxoxo phakathi amaqabane kunye into jikelele, abantu engaqondanga baqale ityala umntwana. Bayakwazi ukubona, ukuhlangabezana okanye uthethe ifowuni. Kwaye kanye ingcinga angasindisa lithemba, ngoko njengesiphango neemvakalelo ezingakhiyo sele ebilayo ngaphakathi kwaye ufumana indlela yokuphuma kule ndlela.

Kuya kuba nako ukunceda ixesha kunye ndlela kwande kuphela. Okokuqala kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuba umntu ngokwenene, yaye umntwana ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba ityala kwenzeka ntoni, kufuneka lungabi nakubekwa bala ukuba ukungakwazi ukusombulula imeko kwaye ukuqonda iimvakalelo. Okokuqala kufuneka ukuqinisekisa ukuba ezi loyiko nasihlahla, okanye ngokwenene isizathu sokuba abe nomona iqabane komphefumlo. Kwaye ukuba noyike - isiqhamo ngqondweni, ngoko ke kufuneka benze baze baqonde iingxaki zomntu ngamnye. Emva Andizoyiki ukuba uYehova uya kunyula omnye umntu kungekhona umntu omhle sizithembile.

nabanobuntu obungafaniyo

Maxa wambi kuyenzeka ukuba abantu bamane musa dibanisa incoko. Okanye umntu uyavuma: "Andiyithandi abantwana abancinane." Ukuba ngenxa yeemeko okanye umahluko umlinganiswa umntu omtsha, aninako ukufika kunye nomntwana, ukuba kunokwenzeka, musani ukundinyanzela wena, uze uzame ubuninzi ku ukunciphisa unxibelelwano weza ubuhlobo nentlonelo. ixesha elizayo baya kukuxelela, mhlawumbi le meko izakutshintsha kuba ngcono kwixesha elizayo.

Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba uyazi loo mntwana - kulungile, ngoko ke kufuneka noba kuyinyamezela phambi komnye umntu kubomi yabo abanyulwa, okanye ukwaphula ubudlelwane kuloo mntu.

Umntwana wakhe ex-umyeni

Ngamanye amaxesha, abanye abafazi kuviwa: "Andiyithandi umntwana kobokuqala." Mhlawumbi i umntwana icetywe nemvakalelo kade waya okanye musa ukuba umntu. Mhlawumbi kwabakho ukwahlukana buhlungu. Kwaye kubi kakhulu, owayesakuba bathotywe emzimbeni. Ke ngoko nokuba kusenokwenzeka ukuba uve: ". Andiyithandi umntwana owayesakuba ngumyeni wakhe"

umfazi oqhawule umtshato uhlala kwimeko kakhulu zokomoya eziphathekayo. Ngoko ke, zonke iintlungu, buhlungu nomsindo zingachaphazela usana. Ngamanye amaxesha babengamcaphukisi ukufana kwabo, nje luvo akanako ukuma, kwaye unina waphula phantsi umntwana, angaqinisekanga ndiyayithanda. Okanye uthando, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha wenza ikudika kunene.

Indlela yokusombulula le ngxaki kunzima? Kubalulekile ukufunda ukulawula umsindo wakhe, noko kunjalo, musa ukuba lincothule phezu itakane, ngokuba kungakhathaliseki iimvakalelo ngokunxulumene imisi kufuneka kukhunjulwe ukuba umsebenzi ophambili - ukuzisa yokuba nabantu. Kwaye ukuba uya kukhula ibe emoyeni angakhululeki kwaye uzive ukungathandi kuye - ke izaliswe neengxaki ezininzi ebomini bakhe abadala kamva. wazi kakuhle ukuba ukungathandi umntwana ezinxulumene kuphela kweyokuqala, yiyeke uye zonke yokukwatela uyise sana, ungenza kuyeka ukuba nomsindo, kunye nosana. Ngoko ke musa nkqu ukuba bacinge malunga amabinzana afana: ". Andiyithandi umntwana umtshato wakhe wokuqala"

abantwana babanye abantu

Ukuba kukho antipathy malunga abantwana okanye abahlobo umntwana abanye abantu, koko kwezinye kunokuba nzima, ingakumbi ukuba awufuni ukuba alahlekelwe umhlobo osenyongweni. Ke ukuba uyaqonda ngokucacileyo: "Andiyithandi ngumhlobo womntwana" - kule meko, onke ukuhlalutya ngononophelo kwaye ukuqonda, kuba into yokuba iimvakalelo ezifanayo. Umzekelo, umhlobo uza kutyelela kunye nomntwana, yaye saa osabekayo egqithiseleyo emva umntwana. Isisombululo ifanelekileyo iya kufunyanwa kwindawo ethile kwindawo cala, umzekelo, kwi cafe. Okanye unciphise ingxoxo kunye nomhlobo, ukuthintela iintlanganiso zobuqu kwaye avalele incoko ngomnxeba. Unako ukuthetha nje kunye nentombi yam uze uxoxe ngqo nantoni awuzali.

"Indlela Uthando uMntwana" Janusz Korczak

Yinto incwadi emangalisayo, nto leyo isenokuba inyathelo lokuqala kwindlela ukulungisa ingxaki kunye nesisombululo. Kuyinto sisixhobo ngokwenene kwimfundo yabantwana abazali babo. Kuya kukunceda ukuba yokujamelana neengxaki abajongene nazo abazali babantwana babo bonke ubudala, ukususela kuzalwa ukuya elivisayo. Kwaye konke oku kubhalwe ulwimi kakhulu zoncwadi kunye nokusetyenziswa izafobe umdla izifaniso inkosi yamagama kunye notitshala izenzo zabo J. Korczak.